Habibi is an Arabic word that literally means “my love" (sometimes also translated as “my dear,” “my darling,” or “beloved”).

So... something strange is happening this month. I spot this guy on internet, he is a celebrity. There was a story about him and every paper is talking about that - who is with who, who is married, who is divorced blahblahblah... I just noticed him and I said to myself... my god, he is so gorgeous... this is him... I was waiting my whole life for him... (this was my first thought)... I wanted to tell him, that the story in the news was very similar to mine and how to revise it, so that he will not have bad image because of it... How to tell him... I know that these people are on Instagram, so maybe I will comment there and he will contact me.

I activated my Instagram, which was there sleeping for years, I didn't even know how to post things on it. I found him very quickly and I commented on his posts. In one month somebody with his name contacted me. I was out of my mind! But I knew something was wrong... Strange energy, a vampire... I can feel energy from people through the screen of my computer (I'm not on telephone when I am on internet)... We were talking ten days or something... He was just: "Hi, how are you doing. What's the weather over there?" And I answered something stupid, since I kind of knew, that he is not a real habibi. I said: "It's snowing". Whatever... there were all the time red flags, that he is not real... So, I just said, forget it, it is not possible.

When next day the real habibi shows up!!!!! I knew exactly, that it was him, because I felt his clean energy, clean communication. And he asked me at the beginning where I am from (the first one didn't even bothered... now I understand how people can be easly deceived).

I also could feel his sadness, loneliness, unhappiness.

Anyway, there were some words here and there between us, until he asked me: "Do you believe we can have a wonderful relationship together?Since we are so similar..."

I answered quickly: "No, I can't because I have this and that and blahblahblah".

He answered: "Ok."

Our "romance" was over. I felt it. I felt the distance immediately. I think that he is going from female to female who are writing comments and talk to them, asking for a date. Where can he found any "normal" person? Everyone is looking for a parnter. Everyone I know, I helped so many people which were desperated about love. 

So... in my mind was everything already over... I was "enjoying" my another unhappy love story. Listening to sad music... waiting, that he will comunicate, but he didn't... everything was over... whenever I saw his name written somewhere (on other people), my heart jumped, oh, it's not him... sad... dead...

Then I took myself into my arms. I said: "Maybe it's not over. I need to start to live, I need to take care for myself, start to heal myself, help will come, help always comes. Maybe he showed up to wake me up..."

And conversation between me and my voice (V) was something like that:

V: "Why do you have to destroy everything, Dajana? Can you image more handsome and nice man? I know that you are in love, you should not leave this guy just like that! You should not give up! You should never give up. You are not a looser! This is your manifestion, you need to persist, persist!"

Me: "But I like to be unhappy... I am so old! My life is actually over... Why would I care... I had to go to gym, and make these exercises... this is so boring!!!"

V: "If I woud not known you whole life, I wouldn't know that you get the measles when someone says how old he is! You are not loosing your weight and looking good for anyone else, but for you!!! Dajana, you know how good you looked before and how you neglect yourself in last years. You just died when you were alive! You can not stop living! You can not stop being alive! Yes, bad things happened to you, but now it's over! Life is going on! You are teaching this to other people, I am just repeating your words! So... it means, that we are here forever. We live forever! Why are you afraid of love? What if he is your soulmate? How can you possible manage to contact him out of thousands beautiful girls who are all the time around him? He is not looking for a puppet, he is looking for a soulmate! He is looking for someone he can talk. You can talk, Dajana, you are Scheherazade! What will you do? Hide yourself another ten years? Being locked in your room and listening to sad music and reading sad stories? You are a lighworker and people like you were specially tortured from dark forces for years. But they are gone now! They are not here anymore! They are gone!!! You don't have to suffer anymore.  All evil beings are destroyed, it is already two years or more... Here are just clones and robots, who are left and they play the same roles, before they will be gone too!

Me: "What should I do, what should I do..."

V: "Just finish your god damned book!"

****

Zasliši se senzualna arabska glasba...

Pojavi se tisto, hrepenenje,

tisto nečloveško hrepenenje...

Skočim v zrak in 

poiščem svoje središče.

Začnem se vrteti.

Takoj padem v nekakšen trans.

Vseeno mi je za druge.

Samo jaz sem.

In On.

Kliče me in mi govori, 

da je vse v redu.